Month: February 2013

Decisiveness is so Sexy.


You. I want YOU. Yes, YOU. Not some 2.0 version of you, not what I think you could be after I fix you, not some idea of you. You. You with all your gunk, your craziness, and your flaws. You. I just want you. Isn’t that so sexy?

Not just that, but I think it’s actually called love… But hey, what do I know 🙂

I met a guy about 1.5months ago, and in the short time that I’ve known him, he’s made quite an impression on me. I met him through my cousin initially, and then through some random not-so random events I met him again through my roommate (Accra is a very small city). During our second interaction, he did not waste any time chatting to me about our initial mutual acquaintance, my cousin.

“I’m pretty much in love with your cousin”

…Errmmm, *I’m looking around the room* ‘… Is this boy talking to me?… I don’t know him from Adam though…’

I remain polite. “Hmmm, Ok.”

The conversation continues to my bewilderment.

“Yup, I’ve told her I am going to be with her”

And yes, the words, “I want to marry her” did come out of his mouth during our conversation.

I continue to remain polite. ‘…Ok sure, mr man (whom I’ve only met twice in my life). Nice story.’ *side-eye*

Side-eye not because you’re kinda crazy to be telling me your business after meeting me twice, but side-eye because my cousin is was in a fully committed long term relationship at that point in time. One in which discussions of ‘he could be the one’ had taken place between she and I.


“Ok, great, nice to meet you and aaaa good luck with that.” Second *side-eye*

Let’s fast forward to last week, shall we? We shall.

You guessed it. They’re dating.

Talk about surprise right? Well… Maybe not so much, and here’s why: this boy was determined and decisive. He knew what he wanted, and made plans to go about getting it. No, he wasn’t a home wrecker, but he made his feelings known to my cousin and showed her time and time again that ‘hey, I’m serious about this… I. Want. You.’ He also wasted no time to get support from family members. Case in point, my sister also met him, and later in a random not so random conversation with me, she shared with me a similar interaction she had with him.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve glossed over the part where they’ve been friends for a bit and she is into him too, but I hope that at this point in time you would know that friendship is foundational to me.

. . .

I’ve been slowly working on a post about how to know when you’re wasting your time with someone, it’s sort of a rundown of red flags that I’ve picked up on from my own experiences, other people’s experiences and just reading things… It’s still a work in progress, but two things on that list apply to mr man’s situation: 1. Indecisiveness and, 2. Your relationship with his close friends and family. I’ll give you a snippet of my take on these two things:

1. Indecision is a decision. Don’t necessarily equate that you keep breaking up and then returning back to each other as a sign that he’s clear about whether he wants to be with you longterm. At a certain point, I can’t help you if you can’t make a decision of what you want. And there should be an expiration date on how long I can wait for you to decide. Ladies, when a man is indecisive about you, it’s for a reason. Or am I lying, men?

2. If you’re always introduced as a friend, he’s not that into you. If you guys are ‘together’ and every one of your close friends and family knows about him, but none of his close friends or family knows about your existence/relationship, it’s time to reconsider the situation. If you ask to meet his family/friends and he evades the question like the plague, it’s time to consider why. And don’t worry, this includes the lot of ‘I don’t tell people about my personal business’ folks too. Yes, some men don’t like to gossip about who they’re fooling around with, but this isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m talking about when he’s serious about you. When you’re special to him, he’ll want the other special people in his life to know about you. And vice- versa. Period.

. . .

So back to my future brother-in-law mr man. I can gel with his approach, BUT Please don’t equate his determination for stupidity. I know for a fact that this guy would not have continued to express his feelings for my cousin forever with no response. There was a communicated expiration to his proposal:

“I’ve told her that if she doesn’t let me know within X amount of time, I’ll back off’.

And I think that’s fair. Just because you’re in love doesn’t mean you throw reason out the window.

Welcome to the fam, mr man.