Month: May 2013

BANDEKA BLOG CHANGES TO: ‘Rambling Roommates!’

As I hinted previously, this blog is going through a transition: a new name, an additional writer, and a little more crazy. I will be joined by my dearest Amma, and we will continue to write about (African) love topics. With the new face of this blog, we wanted to (re) introduce ourselves to the world; so we’ve done so in style, by introducing each another.

Amma’s Introduction of Afua:

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When we had our first house meeting, I really can’t say I knew what to expect of Afua with her ‘Born in Liberia, grew up in Canada, lived in Florida’ narrative. Since I apply heuristics like most normal human beings, I was desperately trying to put her in a box— a black box:

Is she friendly Canadian- black? Is she global citizen of the world tree hugging- black? Is she Dade county four-to-the-top, four-to-the-bottom- black? Is she regular black? Uppity black? Stereotypical- black? Stereotypical African- black?

What kind of black is she, for crying out loud!?!?!?

Three months into it, I decided she was ‘Martha’s Vineyard’ Black with a dash of old bay seasoning… for flavor of course. We are very different and very alike. When I would wake up and catch her perusing the web with her addiction obsession predilection for… I knew this was the beginning of something great. After all, aren’t all great relationships happily situated on a bedrock of black celebrity gossip and overall messiness??

Coming together for this blog will mean some very interesting times since Afua and I run very much like a DNA strand—connected and still separated; codified in very unique ways. Though we share an eerily similar relationship past, it has shaped us in very different ways and this blog will probably highlight these points of dissension.

Plus she’s ‘Martha’s Vineyard Black’— so we’ll see how this goes. 🙂

Afua’s Introduction of Amma:

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You know those people you instantly connect with, where it’s one of those connection at first sight-type things. Ya, well, that’s not exactly what happened for me with this one.

I remember meeting Amma for the first time: I had arrived home from work to a locked apartment from the inside… ‘ Ermm, what’s this? … Oh, the new roommate is here…’ What appeared at the door was a natural hair sporting- but I don’t have a definitive reason why; loud speaking- I’m Ghanaian, but not; free-spirited negro, but I’m double Ivy league; I bleed PG County up and down, but I love American appeal clothing- types… ‘You’re. Kinda. Odd. Boo.’

She appeared in my life at an interesting time. We shared a freakishly similar recent love history and I needed someone a little further ahead to tell me things like: ‘stop listening to John Mayer, let’s go out’ or ‘maybe this one isn’t exactly the best rebound for you.’ I love her a lot, and I like her even more.

Our daily after work chatter became a necessity to my life and when my thoughts started drifting frequently to ‘if people could only be a fly on my wall’, I realized someone(s) would benefit from our ramblings, or at the very least be entertained. So here we are. I’ve transformed the Bandeka blog to my bedroom, and Amma and I will continue our ramblings per usual.

We hope you are entertained, encouraged, provoked, and all that other good stuff.


**A few caveats to our story: we’re both Ivy League educated Ghanaian single women, who have moved to Ghana after spending essentially all our lives abroad. We are freakishly similar in thought n freakishly different in pretty much everything else. We have a lot to say about pretty much everything, however this blog will continue to be focused on love, life and the pursuit of marital bliss. (Well let’s concentrate on the first two) 🙂

What this blog won’t be is a Sex in Accra – type blog, for those of you looking for that, you can go visit our friends over at ‘Adventures From’ 🙂


What’s Your Love Language?

edited-12943I am temporarily in a living situation where my cousin’s girlfriend visits the house a lot. Watching them interact and observing how they make decisions ‘as a couple’, particularly concerning their future, brings to light what I love (and miss) most about being in a relationship (right now): Being in a partnership with someone.

And here’s what I mean…

For me, probably the best part about being in a secure longterm relationship is having someone to be your partner-in-crime. I am currently looking for an apartment in Accra (no small task, might I add), and I’m running around town seeing places with various agents… updating my price to location to convenience to roommate vs living alone matrix after each viewing (don’t judge me), and it would be so nice to have someone to go through this experience with me. Someone to listen to my abuse of the agents and my insults of the ENTIRE foreign community in Accra for jacking up real estate prices! Someone to tell me I’m wack for even contemplating living in Osu/Labone/ or Cantonments* for less than $1500/month, and to listen to my economic analysis on how this housing bubble will. have. to. eventually. burst. Pause: Clearly, I’m feeling some kind of way about my apartment search right now. But you know, someone to say, “hey babe, don’t pay out rent for more than a year**, because we might be looking for a place together by then”… Hehe 🙂

Although I’m getting ample advice from friends, and I have my ride-or-die dad who will accompany me to a viewing at the drop of a hat, and put in his two cents (even when not solicited), it’s different when you’re doing it with your significant other.

5-love-languagesI’ve yet to read the famous 5 Love Languages book, but I know for me, the highest form of intimacy and when I feel most loved by my significant other is when they become my go-to for making life decisions, and I become theirs… when they’re hearing me out regarding career and life decisions and supporting and encouraging me to make the best decisions given all the seen and unseen moving parts. When they’ve become not just my teammate, but my biggest cheerleader as well.

Have you thought about your love language lately? What does it look like, and have you articulated it to your significant other so that they can show you love in a way that you can actually feel?

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Bonus: Just because I love seeing couples that display a friendship and are just having fun with each other, I’ve put a video below that has been circulating around the web. Aside from it’s comedic nature, I just LOVE how this couple interacts with each other. #Toocute I had to post. Enjoy!

* areas of Accra where I would be straight crazy to ask for something less than $1500/month

** in my beautiful country of Ghana, landlords ask for rent payments for a yr to 2yrs, upfront; yes, you read right: upfront.