nice guy

Can Women Really Plan to Find a Man?

I’ve placed an excerpt below of a Bella Naija article* that I found. I think the conversation will be something some of you ladies can identify with, because I definitely did. Take special note to the bold lines.

“So Glory are you single?” I nodded as I sipped on my fruit smoothie.

“Why?” He retorted (I cant stand that question, why is the sky blue, why can fish only live in water, why does the sun not come out at night?)

“Errr because I haven’t found the right person” I replied trying to seem nonchalant about it all.

“Well, do you have a plan to find the right person”? He asked almost immediately.

Now I was well and truly confused. ‘Plan’? I asked in return. I looked at Ada to see if she understood what he was talking about. But even she seemed as confused as I was.

Sensing that we needed to be educated, Idowu continued.

For everything in life you have a plan. You planned your career path, you planned what you were going to do today. You must always have a plan. Is there any major decision you have made till date which you didn’t have a plan for?

Sensing I was about to put up an argument to his theory, Idowu continued without waiting for a reply. “If you don’t plan to find a man, your plan is to remain single.” Ask the single women in their thirties, they are single because they didn’t plan. He concluded rather matter of factly.

“Okay, so tell us how we can plan”, Ada asked obviously absorbed by her friends thesis.

Idowu went on to explain that the plan isn’t a step by step plan per say on how to get a man but more like a set of philosophies, which single women must abide by if they are ever to get married.

I can admit to being more of the ‘it’ll happen when it happens’ passive-types, but ladies what do you think? Should women have to make more of a conscious effort to find a man? For those who read the entire article, I’d be interested to know you thoughts on Idowu’s set of philosophies, particularly #3:

95% of men don’t marry women that they had been dating for 10 years. They marry the ‘smart women’ who either stole them from the ‘main babe’ or directed them down the aisle, the so called ‘bad girls’.

After reading Idowu’s set of philosophies, my eyes are rolling a little bit. Is Idowu saying that ‘good’ girls and ‘passive’ girls finish last? Just like our previous discussion on Mr. Nice Guy finishing last, I’ve heard this argument for women as well. The biggest dating craze right now is the Sherry Argov’s ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ and ‘Why Men Marry Bitches’ series (these books are the number one dating books on the market today). IF we were to take what Idowu and Argov say to be true, but extrapolate from the poll you all took in my previous post, perhaps there is a point when ‘good’ girls also stop finishing last. Take a look at your ‘do nice guys always finish last’ poll results here.

*if the article does not open, refresh the page.

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Warning: Mr. Nice Guy Doesn’t Get the Girl

I would encourage you to read this article. I thought it was a fabulous read straight from a self-professed former nice guy. The author discusses why he had to cease being the nice guy because it was not producing results. Here’s an excerpt from the piece: “I can remember spending hours on the phone with girls I really liked and having absolutely nothing to say, and when I did say something, it was about as interesting as a rave at a senior citizen’s home. Then I wondered why they never called me and I was doing all the heavy lifting. My internal dialogue was something along the lines of: “How could she NOT like me?! I’m such a nice guy!!!” ” There is something to say about a guy (or girl) that keeps things mysterious and isn’t so available to the person that they are dating, and I think that’s what the author is talking about in this piece (he is not talking about ceasing to be polite or show respect).

There is a flip side to this. Women sometimes don’t know what they want. When the guy calls too much, he’s too needy, but when he stops calling, he’s not showing enough attention. A while back, a guy friend of mine responded to a tweet from a female: “When do the nice guys finish first?”, to which he replied, “After 25.” We want to know what you think! Answer the poll below, do nice guys always finish last or is there a point in life when this changes?