online dating

Online Dating 101

A few weeks ago, for my first post I talked about online dating do’s and don’ts. I thought I would return to the subject given that Bandeka will soon be launching some cool new features in a few weeks. I actually spent the weekend testing these out, and I’m really excited! I can’t wait until everything goes live :). I thought for this post I would give you a couple quick words of wisdom to make your experience on Bandeka as successful as possible when you join the site!

1. Your Profile Picture Matters!

Call it shallow/ superficial, but it is true. Your profile picture is the first thing people see, and it is what they base their decision on when it comes to clicking on your profile or clicking ‘next’. Because your picture is the first representation of you, it’s only logical to put your best foot forward; it’s not until your foot is in the door that that amazing guy or gal can “get to know your personality”. Note: if your best foot isn’t a recent foot, use some discretion, but stay true to yourself – no one likes a bait-and-switch situation.

Our friends over at okcupid made a comment that I cannot agree with more: “an unfortunate truth of online dating: no matter how much time you spend polishing your profile, honing your IM banter, and perfecting your message introductions, it’s your picture that matters most.”*

2. Your Messaging Matters!

A couple months ago, there was a hilarious piece featured on CNN on online dating. The authors discuss seven types of messagers that do NOT get message replies on dating sites. I’ve listed the types below, given an example of each, and provided a quick explanation of why no one wants these types of messagers. For more, read the full article here:

1. The Generalizer: “hey, wuts up?”

-> You’re probably stupid. Or possibly illiterate.

2. The Autobiographer: “Hi! My name is Sandi! I moved to L.A. from Oklahoma a couple of months ago and, I have to say, I’m lovin’ it! I just adore walking my 6-year-old Pomeranian, Marshmallow, along Venice Beach!”

-> Well, what else is there to find out? We kind of feel like we’ve already dated you, and we were bored the first time around.

3. The ‘Eccentric’:  “Holy Cheezburgers! You sure are a purty lady! I would love to take you down to the playground and push you on the swings! And then we can go to the zoo! Or to the ocean to build a giant sand castle by the sea!”

-> We are afraid you will murder us in our sleep.

4. The Robot: “Hi! I came across your profile and it intrigued me. I’m looking for a smart man with passion and drive, and you seem to be it! Want to get a drink sometime?”

->You probably sent the same message to half of OKCupid … and … and eHarmony … and JDate… (AND BANDEKA!).

5. The Creeper:  “Oh, here’s a picture of my junk.”

-> Cease and desist with the sexting.

6. The Gusher: “Oh my, you are extremely handsome, you know that? Like, you look like a movie star! And you like all of my favorite books! ‘The Da Vinci Code!’ “

-> Kindly detach yourself from my leg. Calling someone “sexy,” “beautiful” or “hot” is a huge turnoff in a first message.

7. The Wordless Wonder: “You have been added to PatrickBatemanIsTheMan’s Favorite’s List!”

-> Man up and say something



Finding Black Love Online

A little note on an online dating site- that’s how it began for actress Essence Atkins and her husband. The note was sent on Valentine’s Day 3 years ago and ended with, “Happy SAD Day- that’s Single Awareness Day”. The couple has been married for 2 years now and are expecting their first child on Christmas day! (Read more here). I have to say that the more I learn about online dating, the more the stigma is erased. If you haven’t already, Go Sign Up For Bandeka! WWW.BANDEKA.COM.

Online dating is more common than you think: statistics show that 1 out of 5 couples meet online now (just a few weekends ago I attended a wedding where the couple met online). I bet people would be surprised to learn how many of their friends already use online dating sites secretly. What I find intriguing about Essence Atkins is that she was the first to ‘reach out’ to her husband. Thinking about some of the online dating rules discussed in my previous post, should any of the traditional rules of the game apply to online dating?

Essential Rules for Online Dating

Hi Everyone! I’m really excited to be a guest blogger for Bandeka, and I look forward to putting up some interesting pieces every week. Just a couple of quick notes before I begin: the goal of my guest blog is to present information to spark thought and discussion, however things reposted do not equate endorsement by me or any of the founders of Bandeka, and all images posted are copyright to their respective owners (Bandeka does not take credit for them unless otherwise noted). Now that that’s done with, I thought this would be the perfect way to begin my guest blog- Essential Rules for Online Dating.

“Traditional dating schemes are old. No one looks forward to meeting women in bars, and searching for a girl in church doesn’t always work as advertised.” …So you’ve decided to sign up for Bandeka, but now what? Well according to this article, there are some definite do’s and don’ts for online dating. Originally written for men, but it’s an equal opportunity piece. Enjoy!

A “dating” website for aspiring adulterers – good business idea or morally wrong?

Interesting article from Businessweek.  Ashley Madison is a website dedicated to aspiring cheaters and adulters.  The site has 8.5 million members, 1.3 million of whom have actually paid something.

Are they corrupting America or merely facilitating actions that would happen with or without them?  Read more here