Poll [Results] Wednesday – 3/7/2012

Should A Woman Be Territorial About Her Man, Or Confident In Their Relationship?*

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*The original poll was posted on February 4th, 2012,


Respect My Turf



I recently moved to a new city, and last weekend a friend of mine took me out to explore the town. We ended up at a nice local spot after dinner, and it was there that something very interesting happened to me. Of course I had to blog about it 🙂

For most of the night, my friend and I were sitting at a table where there were two empty seats. At one point during the evening, one of the hostesses approached me and asked if it would be alright if two ladies came and sat in the two open seats at our table. ‘Ya, that’s fine with me… why would I have a problem with that?’ At that point in the night the place was getting quite crowded, so of course it would make sense to offer up the seats. Without any thought, I turned over to my friend and asked him if he would mind if two ladies came and sat in the two open seats (I wasn’t sure if any additional people were going to join us). He said he was fine with it, so I told the hostess that we didn’t mind. She then asked me a second time, and explained to me with emphasis that they were the ‘two ladies in the corner’, making sure to point out who she was talking about. Again without any hesitation, I repeated to her that it was fine, they could come sit with us. It was not until she walked away that things started setting in… ‘why did she come up to only ME?’- she knew my friend very well (he’s a regular at the spot)… ‘why was she so set on explaining to me that it was two ladies in the corner who wanted to sit in the two seats’- as if it mattered who needed the seats. In any case, about 20min later when the two seats were still empty, my friend asked the hostess what happened to the two ladies, and her response brought so much clarity to the situation:

“It is not right for me to bring two ladies over here when you are with a lady already.”

My friend relayed her response to me, and we chuckled. I think I had more of a good laugh about the situation because of my own personal take on these things.

First, my friend and I were not on a date, and second, and more importantly, even if we were together, I wouldn’t have batted an eye if two ladies sat next to us at a table. I appreciate that this hostess respected me enough to “protect” me from those ladies who could have possibly made a pass at ‘my man’ (or perhaps she was protecting me from ‘my man’ making a pass at one of the ladies), but honestly if a man is going to step out of the relationship, how much can you really do to prevent it? My friend and I ended up having a lengthy conversation about the whole situation. He understood the point I was making, but he also explained the idea that there are two sets of men: men who cheat and men who are about to cheat. The latter being the majority of men. Even good guys can stray, so there’s no point in creating more opportunities for them to do so. Fair enough, but if you’re with a woman and can’t control yourself, then what does ‘grabbing your hand when a pretty girl walks into the room’ or ‘not allowing two ladies to sit at our table’ really do? …I dunno perhaps there’s such a thing as being too trusting?… or being too naive?

In the same way, I never really understand why women confront the ‘other woman’ when they suspect cheating (with the argument that ‘you should respect me as a woman’). Isn’t that something the woman should be addressing with her man? He should be respecting you as his mate, no? Is a man not grown enough to do the right thing? A close friend of mine told me that early on in her relationship with her boyfriend, she had to set him straight a few times after he had gone and acted a little crazy  …checking out girls with his friends while she was around, errmmm…?? But after she set him straight regarding what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior, he knew what the deal was. I’m obviously simplifying their situation, but in essence shouldn’t you be dealing with these issues in-house?

When I think about the other side of things though, it is nice when a man lets another man know you’re his, even with a small gesture. Not sure how men feel when women do the same. What do you think? Is it different for men and women? Do men want women to act territorial? Should women be territorial about their men, or should you just be confident in your relationship? …you know I love my polls! Let me know!